…….with words.
One day after work, I had plans to meet a friend in the seaside suburb of Manly. The famous Manly ferry was the quickest option to get there. I paid my ticket and prepared myself for a 30 minute adventure!
Ferry arrives, and I overzealously push my way to the open air part at the top.
It. is. glorious. Picture: Sunshine, crisp breezes, and relaxed local commuters that were ready to go home. Everyone is tired and the dead silence is bliss.
I sat back and pondered life’s greatest mysteries:
- Is the stairway to heaven wheelchair accessible?
- Why do they call him Donkey Kong if he’s not a donkey?
- Where do people in Hell tell other people to go?
- If I had my legs amputated, would I have to change my height and weight on my I.D. card?
- If K.F.C Stands for Kentucky Fried Chicken, Why do they play Sweet Home Alabama on the commercials?
Nothing but the boat rocking and the gentle sounds of waves……………….RING.
“This is Peter.”
(pause)
“Hi Honey. Yes, remember the meeting I told you about?
(pause)
“The team will be there, Dan, Mike, and a couple of other folks.”
(pause)
“I told you….dinner and a couple of drinks.”
(pause)
“Yes, 9pm.”
(pause)
“Well we have some derivatives we need to talk about, Private Wealth is doing a reorganization, we need to talk about what jobs will be made redundant…………….”
(pause) My eyes glaze over while he goes on for a good 10 minutes.
“Yes, she’ll be there.”
Louder “No Honey, it’s not like that.”
(pause) Everyone is sighing and rolling their eyes.
“You don’t have anything to worry about.”
(pause) Now this is just getting annoying.
“Listen, I hear you, I know….I know….”
(pause) OMG, can someone please shut him the f*ck up!
Louder and more High Pitched “Someone forwarded her the outlook invite it wasn’t me.”
“Look, I love you. It was a mistake. I haven’t talked to her since.”
(pause) The irritation is pouring out of everyone’s eyes.
“I don’t understand why you’re so paranoid.”
(pause) Lots of uncomfortable shuffling.
“IT WAS A MISTAKE!!!”
(pause) Everyone is tired and now pissed off.
“We’ve been so good until now, please don’t cry, don’t cry honey, we’ll talk about it later…….(more begging for 2 minutes)”
(pause) The whole boat is looking around to see who’ll put this fool on blast.
“You know I’ll never do anything to hurt you.”
(pause) I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!
“It’ll never happen again.”
I jump up. $hit’s about to get real….
“I SWEAR on my mother’s grave……….”
3-2-1 “OH FOR GOD’S SAKE PETER, GET OFF THE PHONE AND COME BACK TO BED!”
He hangs up.
Nezza 1
Dickface 0
Departs from Circular Quay, Wharf 3 every 30 minutes
6am-midnight (weekdays)
8am-midnight (weekends)
Ferry tickets
|
Adult 1-Way
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$7.00 | |
|---|---|---|
|
Concession (student, Senior, Disabled) 1- Way
|
$3.50 | |
|
Adult Return
|
$14.00 | |
|
Concession (student, Senior, Disabled) Return
|
$7.00 | |
Hahaha, that’s quite an epic win, way to go. Ought to give it a try some time, maybe people will finally learn to keep their private conversations to themselves.
Yes, I never understood why people do that on public transport.
Fantastic! Had me in stitches! Remind me never to get on your bad side…
Thanks Rebecca! My mama taught me violence is not the answer, but in this case, I had to open a can of whoop blast on him.
Ha ha ha ha ha!!!! I think it is awesome that you did this as I would do the same thing!
Glad to know I’m not an asshole!
You will not get any negative karma for that. I filled out a waiver form just in case though.
Yes paperwork can cover ANYTHING.
Yes, paperwork! I’m American, paperwork is my best friend. Besides High Fructose Corn Syrup.
Gold.
My stock just went up.
How are you against the Dow?
I didn’t see that coming. Poetic justice. YES!
Yes, that is how the mouth is mightier than the fist. In some cases.
Hilarious!
Much appreciated tahitiangoddess!
I was a Sydney commuter for 5 years. Friggen Gold! Go you good thing!
Yes, people need to learn to keep their voices down if they’re on the phone or just wait until they get off the train/ferry/bus.
I need to move to Sydney!!! Where I live in the states, I could never get away with that!! Priceless!!
Pack your bags love! My couch is waiting for you! lol
Sweet!!!
I’m always amazed how blogs transcend. You’re in Sydney, I’m in New York. I want you to know that your beautiful photo is upside down. I’m having gravatar issues myself so I wanted to tell you.
It’s very nice to meet you Nezza.
I intended to do that because it was a metaphor of life’s unpredictability and how we all have our idiosyncrasies. Subtext: I couldn’t figure out for the life of me how to make it straight and I just gave up trying to fix it.
You’re sp pretty and would be even prettier right side up. Maybe some blog geek can help you.
It never ceases to amaze me the lack of discretion that people have when on the phone in public. I think dolphins have now far surpassed us in intelligence.
I agree. I don’t need to know about your meeting, what you’re having for dinner, your fight with your boyfriend, etc. And the dolphins? We could learn a lot from them. They have bluetooth.
You did not say that??!!!!!!
Yes, I went there.
Oh you’re going to fit into this country no problems at all. Pure awesome.
Awww, thank you! Nice to know I won’t be a social reject here!
Most people have a clue about using phones, but there’s always someone who didn’t get the memo. (On a side note…really? they play Sweet Home Alabama on KFC ads? I’ll listen more carefully. Thanks for the smile. I’m looking forward to more.
Yeah it caught me off guard too, KFC that song. Their marketing team failed Geography 101.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Thats freaking priceless……..I’ll have to remember that one. So awesome!
Yep, that’s how you handle business.
I had a good laugh at ‘Life’s Greatest Mysteries” and then I read the rest of the post and nearly died. Were you applauded? Haha too too funny.
Awww, shucks! I can be the biggest asshole so glad you had a laugh.
What a freakin riot! Gotta ask … what did Peter do after you said that? Bet the rest of the people were dying of laughter!
Peter turned around to give me the stink eye but because everyone was laughing, he was confused.
Too funny — and digging the pictures!
OK, the Bogan post above is funny, but this is hilarious. I thought my heart was going to stop I was laughing so hard. Hopefully everyone on the ferry gave you an ovation.
In my head they did, but in real life they laughed and were bewildered that a girl like me did that.
Boo hoo hoo! Why don’t I ever get to witness this kind of a thing? Great! Hey listen, I used to weigh 105lbs…
Should’ve been there….105 lbs, 125 lbs, 150 lbs, 200 lbs, same difference.
you should have 7billion followers…or whatever the world’s population is now!
Thanks, now time for me to hustle for those followers….on Twitter.